If this was fiction, it would be funny.
Did you hear the one about the 42 year old woman who got pregnant by accident the night of her husband's Christmas party? Because he forgot to bring a condom to the hotel?
No, I couldn't believe it either. At least I was spared the agony of the 2 week wait when deliberately trying to conceive. But when I recognised that familiar tingly feeling in my breasts again ....
As I write, I am at about 5 1/2 weeks, and I don't think things are quite as much of a non-starter as last time. Which is bad, if I'm going to lose it; the earlier the better. I vary between thinking, "hey, this one might be ok! Feel how sore your nipples are!" and "no, no, not enough nausea - doom is inevitable."
Symptom roundup: nipples tender, breasts sore, Montgomery tubercules and veins visibly enlarged. Increased hunger. Sometimes increased urination, but not always. Off coffee, but not retching at the smell of it. Sometimes feeling tired and queasy - often in the afternoons - often feeling normal. Increased sense of smell and oil of skin.
This is very, very hard to cope with. I was doing quite well with talking myself into the "all this is behind me" mindset, and here I am, back with the likelihood of something nasty in my future, which I had so hoped to put behind me. Having a baby now, after all, would not be easy or problem free, but losing yet another will be so, so hard to deal with. I am mostly trying to cope by pretending it's not happening, except for the 30 times a day I feel my breasts or try to catch myself feeling nauseous. But, with it being Christmas, it's hard to ignore it, because I'm having to avoid alcohol (not that I did, for the two weeks I didn't know what was happening). In some ways, it's good, because we're all together and busy socially, so that I can take my mind off things; but this is hard, very hard.
I don't know how much I'll post, because I am trying to stay off the pregnancy web this time; it only brings grief when you don't progress to the next stages as you thought you would. But I can't let the next unexpected episode go without at least a footnote.
No, I couldn't believe it either. At least I was spared the agony of the 2 week wait when deliberately trying to conceive. But when I recognised that familiar tingly feeling in my breasts again ....
As I write, I am at about 5 1/2 weeks, and I don't think things are quite as much of a non-starter as last time. Which is bad, if I'm going to lose it; the earlier the better. I vary between thinking, "hey, this one might be ok! Feel how sore your nipples are!" and "no, no, not enough nausea - doom is inevitable."
Symptom roundup: nipples tender, breasts sore, Montgomery tubercules and veins visibly enlarged. Increased hunger. Sometimes increased urination, but not always. Off coffee, but not retching at the smell of it. Sometimes feeling tired and queasy - often in the afternoons - often feeling normal. Increased sense of smell and oil of skin.
This is very, very hard to cope with. I was doing quite well with talking myself into the "all this is behind me" mindset, and here I am, back with the likelihood of something nasty in my future, which I had so hoped to put behind me. Having a baby now, after all, would not be easy or problem free, but losing yet another will be so, so hard to deal with. I am mostly trying to cope by pretending it's not happening, except for the 30 times a day I feel my breasts or try to catch myself feeling nauseous. But, with it being Christmas, it's hard to ignore it, because I'm having to avoid alcohol (not that I did, for the two weeks I didn't know what was happening). In some ways, it's good, because we're all together and busy socially, so that I can take my mind off things; but this is hard, very hard.
I don't know how much I'll post, because I am trying to stay off the pregnancy web this time; it only brings grief when you don't progress to the next stages as you thought you would. But I can't let the next unexpected episode go without at least a footnote.
posted by Alison at
2:21 PM
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